The Family Man #7

This is where our family guy went wrong, lost the love of his life
After church, out of the throng; found his new wife
He had some kids, they never went to college
They weren’t born with his wits, didn’t have his knowledge

Packed and sacked, our hero is going to set something right
With these memories very intact, blood will spill tonight
Chased down the rock stars, old as they may be
They now have a shop with guitars, but they’ll see

A raged family man, coming to take revenge
Shit will hit the fan, our hero will avenge
A shotgun loaded, his mind without dread
By blind hatred goaded, he’ll make sure they end up dead!

The Family Man #6

Oh our nun, she cried aloud! And look, one of the bandits showed regret!
Realized this wasn’t the way to make his mommy proud, too many tears she had already shed
Commanded his fellow bandits to stop, told them they all would get regular jobs
That statement made him drop; the bandits would rather be eaten by cops!

In all the fuzz our nun escaped! Oh what a delight it was
This time she wasn’t raped, she busted in excited applause
Now she had to find our hero again, but whereto had he gone?
She wanted to drink champagne! For she had proven her brawn

At long last she found our hero, he lay on the floor totally numb
Suddenly seemed to her like one big zero! Not by him she would succumb
She went to find the rock stars, because they were some real men!
They had tattoos and very big scars, drank ale for ten!

The Family Man #5

But in a place so unknown to them, were could they find the great white wonder?
Or perhaps they could try and score a gem, with crystal meth that would strike like thunder!
Not knowing where to begin, they both started walking in different directions
In the search of more from their kin, searching for some connections

It was our family guy who finally found some dope, though he gave a gasp
The rock stars were selling, they had mountains of meth in their grasp!
So our hero swallowed his pride, bought some crystal from the gang
Only thinking of the ride, how he would take his nun with harangue

Yet the nun was gone! For bandits had taken her away
They wanted to use her as a pawn, but our hero went astray
Left the bandits stuck with the nun, while the hero enjoyed his crystal
One bandit said, “Let’s have some fun” and he took out his pistol!

The Family Man #4

When our hero returned with his soda pop, he found his nun in tears
Gazed upon her and said, “Stop! Let me take away your fears”
The nun did her story, our family guy quite surprised
Took something from his inventory, a baseball bat rather oversized

“I’ll find the bastard, make sure he’ll never walk again
He’ll be taken away on brancard, forever needing to use a cane!”
But the nun said “No! I’ve had enough of all this violence
Stay here, don’t go! You know, we could be more than just friends”

This was not what our hero expected! This event had turned for the good
Reminded of his needs so neglected, he wanted to give everything he could
But the nun stopped him, said, “Let us first get totally high!”
Hero said “I respect your whim” But he said it with a sigh

The Family Man #3

It was a glorious morning, when our heroes arrived!
Traveled alongside rock band Corning, so rather sleep deprived
Heard their guitar solos all through the night, never would they stop
Our family guy didn’t feel so bright, when going for a soda pop

Yet the nun seemed rather moved! The sound of drums still beating in her heart
She had been dancing with her clothes removed, which wasn’t that smart
For rock stars do like a female body, whether it is black or pale
Them guys were rather shoddy, especially after many an ale

The family guy at the time, was laying sick in his room
In his throat a lot of slime, signs of impending doom
Didn’t hear his lady nun shouting, though loud as it were
Still thought they were on an outing, unknowing what they were about to confer

The Family Man #2

This was the cause of much frustration, as you can probably see
Made me go out looking for another sensation, whatever it may be
Along came someone from the Rasta clan, his hair all long and greasy
He said, “I’ll get you something man, but it will not be easy”

One month later he had me hooked, oh how I loved the white powder
Tried to put dope in everything I cooked, even in some chowder
It all went terribly wrong; I crashed down in my apartment.
Investigations were running strong; I got taken by the justice department

They put me in jail, I was lonelier than could be
But then someone posted bail, posted bail for me!
It was the nun! Wearing a dress with buttons all over.
She said “Our journey’s just begun, wanna run away to Dover?”

The Family Man #1

I am the family man, all of my life I have but worked
Never had a master plan, nothing could ever get me perked
Looking back now, I can see where I went wrong
So I make this vow, I will end up where I belong!

When I was a kid, I was the perfect student
I really was very wit, though ever so prudent
Missed out on all the girls, on more than one occasion
Never got to stroke their curls, were they Asian or Caucasian

Sex was but a dream to me, never had any fun
There was a girl I’d like to see, but she was prude like a nun
Her tits were ever hidden, her ass a mystery
Couldn’t touch her it was forbidden, mayn’t enter in her sea

If you’re gay I’ll make your day!

So out I went to score some crystal
Came upon a thug, in his hand a pistol
I said “dude, lay off, I ain’t got no cash”
He replied, “you’ll get me some, or you’ll never see my stash”

So out I went to score some green
Came upon the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen
I said, “Dude, I could make your day!”
He replied “Fuck off man, I ain’t no soddin’ gay”

So out I went to find some gay
Came upon a big black guy, at the bay
I said, “Twenty dollars and I’ll suck your cock”
He replied “Oh yeah, that’s cool, nice, here’s your money, now walk”

So out I went to find the seller
Found him at home, in his cellar
Gave him the money, got some of his stash
But the big black guy woke up with a rash!

Take it back

I’m holding your baby and I don’t want it.
Take it back you asshole, before she pukes milk al over me.
Or even worse, before it takes a shit.
Oh damn, it just did, dear lord this can not be.

Take it back you fucking son of a bitch.
Or I’ll drop it on the floor, like your mother did to.
who told me? your brother the snitch!
I hope his mother isn’t as dumb like you.

Now take it back, you inbred fuck.
I’ve got to go powder my nose, thanks for the shit.
Say hey to your wife, next time she may suck.
I’m going home to take a hit.

I wrote you a litle song

Dear love, I would do anything for you.
I hope you not forget, thats true.
I’d even give you a kidny when need to.
And that’s not all you can make me do.

I would steal and kill if that must be done.
And I would sell for you my firstborn son.
I would save my sperm not spill even one.
To prove that I’ll love you for ever hon.

When you had enough and want me to sit.
I say “no problem” and let you quietly knit.
I even flush the toilet after having a shit.
I ask you one thing & you don’t wanne do it.

I always tried to make you very happy
You didn’t want to, so we didn’t marry
I just did want you wanted only to be,
that we could be forever you and me.

It’s not like I wanne play a game of chess
Or want you to clean up your own mess
I don’t need  money I’ve survived with less.
I just wanne stick my penis up your ass.